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The pill diaries: that new pill fear

I’ve been on some form of contraception from the ripe old age of 16 – mostly to help my skin but also for…that other thing. I’ve seen my fair share of disgusting side effects and thrown many a tantrum about wanting to come off hormonal contraception altogether; but here i am, with another new pill, waiting to potentially ruin my life some more.

I did that stupid thing where i twitter searched the name of the pill i was about to start taking. For future reference, or if you just need to hear it, do not do that. It freaked me out so much that i very nearly talked myself out of even trying it. 

I was inundated with people recommending not to take it due to excessive weight gain (which i’d already struggled with prior to coming off the pill completely at the end of last year), acne and mood swings. The three things i was desperate to avoid. Someone i know also had a stroke as a result of this pill, which is terrifying.

The fact of the matter is that you have no idea how your body is going to react to a pill until you take it. No two people’s experiences with any pill will be the same, so why am i acting like it will be? I always say i don’t take skincare advice because no-one’s skin is the same. It’s the exact same with hormones and the pill.

The first week

So, it’s been a week. How am i feeling?

Absolutely fine.

Yup, i’m surprised at how little my life has been ruined since starting this little pill. I know it’s only been a week and you can’t really judge anything in that time, but the fact i don’t feel like i’ve gained weight or feel horrified at my face is very promising to me. 

I know things can change at the drop of a hat. Every time i have even the slightest mood swing (and there have been a few) i convince myself it’s the pill, it’s ruining me all over again and i’m not strong enough to prevent it this time. I don’t think that fear ever goes away, you just get better at dealing with it. And i’m thankful that with the pill i can just stop taking it if i feel like things are getting a bit out of control.

See Also

Something maybe a little weird that i’m excited for is having a period again. I came off the pill in December following a pretty nasty acne breakout and haven’t had a period since. I put it down to too many hormones just sitting there in my body, waiting for an egg to bin. That’s how it works, right?

I bought a menstrual cup in November, completely ready to get in touch with my body and own my menstrual cycle. Each month, i would sanitise it and be ready to use it. Never got the chance.

I for sure know i will regret ever wishing for my period when it actually starts, but i want to join in the period positive hype and haven’t had the chance. Max and i went to a Bloody Big Brunch a few months back and speaking to the girls at the menstrual cup stand made me long for a period like i never have before. Who am i??? 

So, one week down, two to go. Will i get to use my menstrual cup? Will things stay relatively normal in hormone city? I sincerely hope so because the last thing i need right now is a mental breakdown over a Jesus-esque pregnancy scare.

How do you deal with the new pill fear?

View Comments (2)
  • I know the feeling, I know a lot of people don’t enjoy periods (I mean, I don’t enjoy it) but I’m happy to have them. Its almost like reassurance for me I guess. I hope the pill continues to work well for you!

    Lucy | Forever September

    • It’s definitely a reassurance thing. The first day i get my period, I’m always like thank god! And then after that it can go to hell.

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