I’ve never considered myself a hard worker. Not to put myself down or anything, but i’m quite lazy and only really do things if i absolutely have to. I’ve tried countless times to change this about myself, but old habits die hard and i would much rather lie in bed eating rice krispy cakes and shitting myself at old Buzzfeed Unsolved videos than be productive.
It’s especially difficult when it comes to blogging. You see so many bloggers grafting every moment they can; posting 3 times a day to instagram, getting up early to shoot content before work, selling their soul to the devil so they can blog full time (that’s how you do it, right??). And they succeed because of it. It’s really easy to feel like you’ll never be good enough. You can’t be lazy and successful. As much as i’d love that.
I really struggle with having a good work/life balance. I either have too much work and anything vaguely resembling a life is shunted for Netflix and bed, but suspiciously not enough sleep; or i have too much life (aka every waking moment is spent blogging) and my career suffers. I genuinely don’t know how people do it all.
I always feel too tired to blog in the evenings and on weekends. I work longer days and have a longer commute now. When i’m sat in my room at night, all i’m thinking about is that i could be working if i could actually be bothered. And then i start to spiral because i realise there’s no possible way i could succeed if i carry on like this.
For the amount of success i expect, i definitely don’t put enough effort in. I know we all have a tendency to put ourselves down and not really value our own time and effort, but i never feel satisfied. I want the kind of success full time bloggers have, without putting in the same work a full time blogger would. It literally makes no sense. I’m out here trying to cheat a system i still don’t understand.
I think i’ve always been pretty clear that my intentions were never to become a full time blogger. I have a hoard of reasons that i dish out whenever the topic comes up, but the overall reason that i don’t actually tell anyone is i don’t think i’m good enough. I’d actually love to dedicate my life to writing, taking photos and travelling. Wouldn’t we all??
I want to hit 10k Instagram followers by the summer. You’d think i would do everything possible to make sure i hit that number – shoot new content every chance i get, constantly be on and engaging and promoting my instagram, making the arrangements to sell my soul. But I’ve just been keeping on as usual and that goal just seems more and more unattainable.
I think hard work is individual to everyone. Someone else might look at my life and my routine and think it’s totally fine. I know i can’t do everything , and i definitely don’t want to over-work myself, but finding a good middle ground is something i’m really struggling with.
Doesn’t help that i’ve had mega writers block and this post, which should’ve taken me a few hours max, has taken 2 DAYS. I think i’m broken and i would like a refund.