*contains both rational and irrational fears
I wasn’t originally going to do anything special for Halloween this wear – I’m not that great at spooky makeup (although i did try last year) and i have no original or interesting costume ideas to share so i just figured, nah. I’ll let the professionals tackle the Halloween content. There’s no sense in me putting out something half-assed and not that great – I wouldn’t be proud of it and you would all hate it too. I did try last year, and it went okay, but i’ve upped my content game massively and shitty Halloween looks just don’t make the cut.
(if you want some REAL good Halloween looks, definitely check out Robyn @ Midnight and Lace. The Halloqueen.)
At least, that was the way it was going to be, until i received a comment on an instagram photo asking if i was going to be doing any Halloween content. I was so honoured that someone seemed to actually want Halloween related content from me, that i couldn’t not at least try and think of some ideas i felt good enough to do. So instead of chatting about what costumes i’m going to wear or what makeup i like to do on Halloween, i thought we’d get a little more personal and talk about fear.
Halloween and fear tend to go hand in hand for me – it’s not that i hate Halloween, not at all, but everything is a bit spookier at this time of year. I’m a bit of a pansy and a lot of things scare me, sometimes it’s rational but most of the time, i’m just being an idiot. I scare myself a lot of the time by thinking about stories i’ve read or picturing something scary as i’m just about to fall asleep. Why do we do that to ourselves??
Anyway, for Halloween this year, i’m going to be talking you through some of my ridiculous irrational fears, and maybe some of the rational ones too. So i don’t come across as crazy.
I really can’t explain this one. The only reason why i actually remembered that i hate the post office is because i’ve been putting off going for so long that i’m not sure i’ll even get my clothing refund. I am 21 years old and too afraid of the post office to go. I always feel very weirdly proud of myself when i do manage it, which is like twice a year. Every other time i just hope and pray that my mum wont mind going for me and, thank god, she doesn’t. How am i actually going to cope out in the real world??? I think my issue is that i have no idea what i’m doing, which seems to be my issue with everything. So it’s more a fear of looking stupid, but manifested in the form of the post office.
I’m not sure if this one is entirely irrational because i feel like quite a lot of people will relate, and this one doesn’t feel weird to talk about. I wouldn’t say i’m an un-confident driver, i do okay driving myself to work and back and know that hesitancy equals death on the roads. It’s just when i have to drive in places i don’t know and, again, i worry that i’m gonna fuck up. It’s scary when you’re driving because a wrong move could hurt you or someone else, and that thought is pretty terrifying. I’m okay if i have someone else in the car with me that can laugh with me when i do something wrong or reassure me when i freak out, but otherwise i’m a hot mess.
This one is totally rational but i think i take it to irrational heights. I am deathly afraid of them, to the point where i will actually freeze and be unable to move when i see one. I’m getting a lot better now and i’m actually able to still sleep in my room after spotting one; i don’t mind if they disappear in my room as long as they aren’t near my bed. I used to haul ass up to the living room and sleep on the worlds coldest and most uncomfortable sofa. I’ve also been known to cry myself to sleep a few times because i want my comfy bed, but don’t want death by spider.
I feel lie this doesn’t mean what people will think it means. Although i am afraid of noises when i’m alone and hearing something i really don’t want to hear, this one means something else entirely. I strongly dislike, to the point of fear; clapping, whistling, shouting and loud laughing. I physically can’t do. I have, what i think, is a reasonable explanation for this, but that doesn’t mean it’s a rational thing to be afraid of. I’m a very, very quiet person and i always have been, so i guess my ears aren’t really adjusted to loud noises?? To be honest, i’m bullshitting. All i know is i honestly just can’t take it! I can always sense when it’s going to happen as well, which is an excellent sixth sense to have when you’re someone who can’t handle it. I take hating it when people clap when the plane lands to a whooooole new level.
Yup, I’m a wimp. A huge wimp. I can’t handle the dark and start to psyche myself out, thinking about all the horrible stories I’ve heard or images I’ve seen. The funniest thing is, I enjoy reading about these things. I read creepy true stories on Reddit all the time and recently watched a documentary on Richard Ramirez, known for breaking into homes whilst the occupants were sleeping and terrorising them, before murdering them. I bring it on myself, and then i either have to put the TV on so i have something else to focus on as i go to sleep, or genuinely just sleep with the light on. I’m 21. I should not be doing that.
This one is a fairly recent one as i remember being able to go swimming in the ocean on holidays when i was younger; it’s only been in the past few years that i’ve refused to even think about going in. I am fascinated by the ocean and like to learn as much as i can about it – i love the Mariana Trench and all the things that lurk in it, i love all the huge things down there, including the ones we haven’t even discovered yet. And that is the exact reason why i will not go in. I feel like i know too much now, almost?? I KNOW what kind of freaky shit lurks under there and i ain’t taking any chances. I’m not afraid of sharks or being eaten by one, i’m just afraid of not knowing what’s underneath me. It’s too much open space.
This one is a common fear and i know that, but let’s still chat about it. We’ve gone from something as huge as an ocean, to all the small spaces out there. I went cave diving once when i was about 11 or 12, it was super safe and at a special place for it with artificial caves and stuff, so there was no real danger. I remember being in this one area of the route laid out for us, that was just all mirrors. I couldn’t find any way out and had no choice but to sit and watch myself cry until someone else found it. Not entirely traumatic, but now i can’t even watch other people go cave diving or even read about anything related to that. Especially underwater. Just combine two of my worst fears, why don’t ya?
This is probably also a common fear but also one that’s not really on anyone’s mind until it’s brought up. Just like the ocean, i’m fascinated by serial killers and how their brains work, so i try to learn as much as i can about it. I have, again, learned too much and now i can never go back. I know a lot about all the awful things that humans are capable of and now, especially if i’m home alone or walking somewhere in the dark, i’m afraid of being murdered. I feel like this may be a female thing because i’m also afraid of being harassed or assaulted, which is just something that we, as women, have to face every time we leave the house. Thankfully, Edinburgh is not really known for its vast amount of serial killers and thus far, i have not gotten involved in any dodgy drug deals so i think my chances of getting murdered tomorrow are pretty slim. You never know though.
As far as Halloween posts go, this is pretty lame right? None of these things are particularly scary or weird. I think i’m just kind of scared of everything, which makes it hard to pinpoint exactly what scares me. I’m like the Courage the Cowardly Dog.
What are you afraid of?