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Be a nice person (it’s not hard)

In the interest of keeping things honest and in case anyone I used to (key phrase) know, I used to be a pretty shit person. I was not nice. I wouldn’t have wanted to be my friend when I was between the ages of 13 to 16, but I don’t think any teenage girl can honestly say they were a nice person whilst going through puberty. Point is, I’m almost 21, I’m not a petty bitch (lol jk) anymore and I’ve learned how to be nice. Spoiler alert: it’s really bloody easy. Honestly. If I can do it, everyone can.

I think we all just need to try a little bit harder and stop accepting anger as our first response. For so long, I would lash out before thinking and then realise…I didn’t really have to do that.

Be a bit more understanding. People don’t think sometimes – they post something they think sounds okay, it might not to you. But the attackers don’t think either, they don’t consider that hey, maybe that wasn’t supposed to be malicious or wasn’t supposed to come off that way. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have tweeted that I ran away when I saw some men attempting to mug a woman. But I did because I was pretty fucking scared. Try to see things from other peoples point of view and if you have to educate, do it in a nice way. I’m happy to own up if my point of view is wrong as long as people are nice about it. Nobody knows everything, wrong information exists. Nothing to cry over.

It’s so damn easy to be nasty online, too easy. We’re all hidden behind our screens and it makes it really easy to forget that we’re speaking to another human with feelings as opposed to a machine. There is a person behind there! And that person also has feelings. It tends to be that if someone is nasty, surely we should be nasty back to them. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it, right? Wrong. If you are surrounded by nastiness, it makes it pretty damn hard to be nice. Being horrible is sometimes all these people know, and they even retaliate against nice comments. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try! Maybe showing that person an act of kindness will inspire them to be nicer, you never know.

If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

If I see something on social media that I don’t agree with or I think is awful, I’ll scroll past it. It’s literally THAT easy. I mean, yeah, I’ll send it to my group chat or my boyfriend and secretly curse them out, and if they’re repeatedly getting on my nerves I’ll just unfollow. The beauty of social media is that it’s also very easy to not care. We can unfollow, mute or block people, but we choose to start these bloody witch hunts that can be pretty upsetting. I’ve luckily not been at the receiving end of these witch hunts but I’ve had a few nasty comments over the way I’ve worded something or whatever the hell the non-existent issue was. And yeah, it did get to me. So let’s all pray I never make it big in the blogging world because we are pretty hated, not gonna lie, and I’ll crumble under that hatred.

There’s a LOT of drama and nastiness in blogging – both within the community and from outsiders who don’t understand, and don’t want to understand. Bloggers love to publicly shame other bloggers so they come across as the ‘saviour’ and an amazing person for enlightening us all to how horrible this person apparently is. I don’t trust these people at all. Especially if the issue is something that can be resolved privately. What’s the need? Attention? Retweets? Definitely something worth making someone cry over, right? Of course, everyone is entitled to an opinion, absolutely. But if that opinion can be construed as bullying, that’s not okay.

We can be nice about disagreements, we don’t have to be sarcastic in our replies (which is really fucking annoying) and it doesn’t have to turn into a 3 day event. More often than not, the disagreement is a case of miscommunication, which happens far too often on social media. Tone of voice doesn’t come across via the written word. It feels a bit like school sometimes, as if we can’t stand up for ourselves or correct ourselves or even change our opinions. And don’t even get me started on that whole dragging up influencers old tweets and labelling them as horrible people over something they said in 2012. What a load of horse shit.

Katie wrote a really amazing post about this sort of thing – are we too easily offended? I definitely think so. Someone will always take offense to something you say, everything can be twisted to be negative if you try hard enough. I think we need to stand up for ourselves, but not in a way that provokes arguments or hatred. We can defend our opinions in a nice way, without it turning into a back and forth of sweary words and middle finger emojis, and it’s possible to be nice without being condescending.

Another issue – do we invite these nasty comments in by over-sharing? Social media culture encourages us to share our lives online, in the form of photos and messages. I remember seeing a post by one girl talking about how she doesn’t like it when her boyfriend likes other girls photos. And SO MANY people were calling her immature, saying her relationship was doomed, horrible stuff like that. And I just thought….fuck off. This is one girls opinion that has nothing to do with your life and if you get so butt-hurt over her relationship, your own is probably not that great. It affects us in no way whatsoever. What someone else does with their relationship should be of no interest to anyone other than the 2 people in that relationship. But should she have been prepared for awful comments, knowing what social media is like? Well, no. Because people should learn to hold their tongues and if they don’t like something, don’t look at it.

And then there’s the external drama. The trolls. The people that hate bloggers and hate influencers and seek them out to tell them they should die. Why is this a thing?! Honestly, why??? These are the people that thrive off being a shithead and need to make someone else miserable to give their life purpose, and that, to me, is a massive shame. They have nothing else worthwhile in their lives, so they need to go online and berate someone for the good of their own ego. What a sad existence. The talk right now is making internet laws tighter in terms of online bullying, thanks to Katie Price. It’s about time something was done, because these people have too much power. Nice comments are always overshadowed by the nasty ones.

Sometimes it’s hard to stay quiet, I get that. I often still feel my indirect tweet senses tingling, but I’m better than that now so instead I’ll go to my group chat and say it there. It takes a lot of energy to be a mean person and cause drama all the time. Do you people not get tired?! I would never want to be the one that caused the drama, although sometimes it is accidental. The non-accidental cases are likely from people that can’t help but cause a bit of a scene; it’s exhilarating for them. I used to be like that, loved a bit of drama. Now I’m not so keen and I’d rather just continue promoting my post about skincare in peace, thank you very much.

It’s hard to not defend yourself when someone is attacking you, but it’s likely you won’t be able to change their mind. If they’ve already decided that you’re a piece of shit, you probably won’t change that by engaging in a ridiculously long twitter argument. We just have to let them do their thing and ignore it as best we can.

A super cheesy line I know is ‘be the change you want to see’. If we want to inspire a nicer community, we have to be that change. Don’t engage with the nasty people and don’t be one yourself!

Being a nice person should be our first instinct. 

What’s your opinion on the social media witch hunts?

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3 Comments

  1. 25/03/2018 / 1:53 pm

    Loved this post. Blogging drama is so draining and when it happens to anyone I find myself feeling so disenfranchised with blogging in general. I’ve noticed a few people seem to thrive on calling others out. Everyone makes mistakes, I certainly have, but people seriously need to learn when to admit those mistakes. But I think the whole ‘social justice warrior’ thing needs to be left behind. Plus fighting with someone online takes up so much energy!

    Rachel || https://wordofrachel.com

  2. 01/04/2018 / 11:36 pm

    I loved this post! I see so many people getting into negative bulls*!t on social media and I think a lot of people forget how easy it is to just keep scrolling. My group of girls (and me) were complete arseholes in our teenage years and I am definitely not like that anymore. It really is a waste of time to argue back with someone who isn’t going to change their opinion.

    lots of love!
    Alicia | http://www.alicia-a-la-mode.com

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