I’ve been having a bit of a blog identity crisis recently. I wasn’t happy with the amount of content I was creating, wasn’t happy with my Instagram images being permanently of me on/in bed but lacked the energy and motivation to do anything about it. UNTIL NOW. Just kidding, the title of the post is acceptance which basically translates to I don’t like this but it’s happening and I gotta be cool with that.
I keep trying to be someone I’m not, and getting upset when my content doesn’t compare or I’m not offered the same chances as other bloggers. I keep trying to seem like I’m living a full-time blogger life, when really it’s the exact opposite. Trying and failing. It’s really stupid because I’m not a full-time blogger, my priorities are completely different and obviously my content is gonna be different, in more ways than one. Why I’m trying to pretend I have this amazing life where I sit and write all day and produce great content (which you’ll know I don’t because of my sparse posting schedule), I have no idea. I cannot and compare myself to those full-time bloggers. Our lives go in completely different directions and it doesn’t make sense.
The Instagram Issue – most weeks I literally don’t go anywhere other than work. I drive to work, I drive home, I relax, repeat. I feel like I can’t keep up with how everyone else is progressing with their content, because I just don’t have the energy to. I don’t drink coffee and the only tea we have in the office right now is decaf so it’s like I’m running on empty all the time. It is very much something I need to work on because you won’t get anywhere by being lazy. Opportunities won’t just fall into my lap. I spend too much time feeling down that I can’t just stay in my pyjamas all morning and write just because that’s my job, and then refuse to do it at the weekend because that’s my chill time. GURL what you doing?!?! I feel like my surroundings aren’t gram-worthy enough, without even bothering to try it from a new angle or get a bit more creative. I’m basically shooting myself in the foot here.
It stems from jealousy I think, which I wrote a post on last year. It’s still very true today, except I’ve stopped using it to motivate myself and am instead letting it upset me and demotivate me. I basically use it as an excuse to be really lazy all evening and go to bed at like 10, ignoring that I could actually get quite a lot done between getting home and going to bed. I just feel like, what’s the point, when it won’t be as good as what other people are producing? My ideas or my photos or the way I write won’t be as good as other peoples so I decide to just not do anything. It’s not the right mindset to be in at all and that is why I have not posted on my blog in over a week.
I have seemingly developed this need to be the best at everything, and it’s ruining me a little bit. I’m obviously not the best blogger in the world, I don’t think anyone is, it’s not a title that anyone should use for themselves or others cos let’s face it, it makes everyone else feel like shit. But I have this need to be perfect and create the most amazing content ever on both my blog and Instagram, and it feels like it’s too much pressure. I’m not a perfectionist in any other aspect of my life, literally just my blog. I guess because it’s so important to me to create things I can be proud of and that I really love, so I’m leaving myself little room for mistakes or subpar content.
I’m not even gonna lie – I’m salty because I don’t live in London. Bloggers in London are definitely given a leg up in the industry. A lot of brands have offices and events in London, so if you don’t live in or near London you stand very little chance of being invited to and attending really cool events. I can understand why brands set up shop in London, it’s the site of everything, but it’s still a little annoying. I want to go to amazing events and have meetings to talk about collabs. Instead, I got next to nothin. It’s not as if I’m in the middle of nowhere in Edinburgh, but there are very little big brands situated here. It can be a bit demotivating at times, and I can’t afford to be down in London all the time, nor do I have the money for that. Having to travel 5 hours on a train for a 2 hour event just doesn’t feel worth it.
It’s all just excuses though, isn’t it? I’m only as good as the amount of work I put in, and I definitely haven’t been putting in enough work. It’s time to quit the I’m tired excuse because everyone’s tired. I used to be so good at blogging alongside my full time job, so I really gotta start taking my own advice from posts I used to write about blogging with my job. If so many incredible bloggers can do it, so can I! I seem to get into this funk after posting, where I feel like ‘my work is done’ and I can just not give a shit for a few days. I don’t want to make any ridiculous promises or schedules, but if I want to keep growing and improving then I have to stick with it.